We all do it. We think we know what's going on with the people around us. We believe we understand why a customer didn't buy, or why a team member seems distant. We create entire narratives in our minds, filling in the blanks with our own experiences, beliefs, and feelings. But here's the powerful truth: what you think you know is often just a story you've told yourself.

Each of us is unique. Our experiences shape us in ways no one else can fully grasp. And those assumptions you're making? They might not apply at all. In fact, they're often completely wrong.

​This habit of assuming comes at a significant cost, especially in your business. These unspoken stories can create unnecessary friction, waste precious time, and prevent you from focusing on what truly matters. Imagine how much more flexibility, financial freedom, and joy you could have if you were operating from a place of genuine understanding, rather than flawed assumptions.

Let me share a recent experience that illustrates this point. I recently took over a volunteer position from someone else. Initially, I wasn't getting responses to my messages from the former director, and the story I told myself was that she didn't like the way I was doing things. I became frustrated and more curt in my messages, assuming this person was resisting my way of doing things.

Later, I discovered the truth: her father was dying, and she had been completely absorbed with his care. My narrative, the one that caused me frustration, was false.

I had assumed the worst, and it affected my attitude and actions. However, as soon as I learned the full story, my attitude and patience completely changed.

​Brené Brown calls this "the story we tell ourselves." We're always seeking to make meaning of situations, so we create stories to explain why people are doing certain things. But the meaning we create for ourselves is often far from accurate. In fact, we often assume the worst of people (like I did), and that causes us to develop resentment, anger, frustration, and other negative feelings, leading us to act differently towards them. Brené Brown suggests we are better off assuming that others are doing their best so we can maintain better working relations and a healthier mindset.

Not only do our assumptions cause us to create false reasons for events, but they also cause us to make potentially expensive mistakes. We make decisions based on the information we have. However, we often assume we know what other people are thinking or experiencing when in reality, we don’t.

When I started my business, my plan was to provide coaching and courses for nonprofit leaders to prevent burnout. I assumed the problem was so big that nonprofit leaders would want a solution to burnout, which was impacting the sustainability and impact of all the good work their organizations were doing. However, I was working with an incomplete picture and making assumptions about what nonprofit leaders would prioritize.

After a few months of trying to sell my services, I met with a few leaders and realized that although they recognized burnout was an important issue, most would not prioritize paying for this kind of program as they budgeted very little towards personal development. By learning this information, I was able to shift my business focus without wasting more resources on an area people weren’t willing to spend money on. This saved me significant time, energy, and financial resources.

​On a much larger scale, the school district I worked for thought they knew why they had a high (and expensive) turnover rate. They assumed it was from the low salaries. However, in actuality, the teachers were willing to accept the low salaries; it was the little control they had over their work situation and the impossible demands made on their time. The school district failed to take actions to improve the working conditions because they assumed they knew the reason people were leaving. By failing to address the true causes, the turnover rate remains high and costs the district money that they could otherwise use to increase salaries. This clearly shows how unchallenged assumptions can lead to costly, ineffective solutions.

Jeff Wetzler, author of “Ask,” (affiliate link) explains that people often withhold information that we need, and this comes at great cost to our business. They're not doing it intentionally to be difficult; it's often because:

Think about the valuable information your customers, clients, or even team members might be holding back. This could include:

When you don't ask, you miss out on these critical insights. And those missed insights lead to missed opportunities, wasted effort, ongoing frustration, and a slower path to the freedom and joy you desire.

Just like me, you might tell yourself you know what your customers want. You might assume you understand why a product isn't selling or why a team member seems disengaged. But unless you've actually asked them, you don't truly know. You're operating on a story, not reality. This means you're making decisions based on guesses, not facts, which can lead to wasted effort and missed opportunities.

The good news is there's a simple, powerful solution to break free from these costly assumptions: The only way to know the truth is to ask.

​Getting our assumptions out of the way reduces friction in your work and allows you to truly focus on the results you seek. When you operate from facts, not fiction, your path to success becomes much clearer, allowing you to eliminate the unnecessary, automate, and delegate with confidence.

It's easy to fall into the trap of assuming we know. We may think we know:

But these are often just the stories we tell ourselves, based on our limited perspective. To truly find flow in your business and reduce stress, you need to replace those stories with facts.

Peter Block, author of "Flawless Consulting," (affiliate link) offers a powerful framework for this. He provides hundreds of questions that consultants (and business owners!) can ask to get to the root of people’s motivations and any resistance they might have. This helps implement change more smoothly and effectively, because you're addressing real concerns, not imagined ones.

​The key is to create an environment where asking is welcomed and sharing is encouraged—a culture of inquiry and understanding within your business.

So, how can you start asking the right questions and uncovering the truth in your lifestyle business? Here are some practical, actionable steps you can implement today to gain clarity and move towards your goals:

1. The "Is This Right?" Check-In

This is a simple yet powerful technique for any interaction, whether it's with a client, a team member, or even a friend. When you have an assumption about what someone is thinking or feeling, state it out loud (or in writing) and then ask for confirmation.

Restate what you think the other person is thinking and ask them, "Is this right?"

This approach isn't confrontational; it's genuinely inquisitive. It shows you're open to understanding and value their perspective, creating a safe space for them to confirm, clarify, or completely correct your assumption. This saves you from making decisions based on faulty information.

2. Connect with Non-Buyers

Don't just focus on the customers who do buy. The people who don't buy from you hold incredibly valuable information. They represent potential improvements, unmet needs, and untapped markets.

Send out non-buyer surveys.

Create a short, simple survey for people who showed interest in your product or service but didn't complete a purchase (e.g., abandoned cart, inquired but didn't convert). Ask them:

Their insights can reveal critical gaps in your marketing, pricing, product offering, or sales process. This feedback is golden for refining your approach and converting more prospects in the future.

3. Seek Feedback After Sales and Services

The transaction doesn't end when the sale is made. Post-purchase feedback is essential for understanding customer satisfaction, building loyalty, and identifying areas for growth. This is how you ensure your current offerings are truly delivering value and that your customers feel heard.

Request for feedback after purchases or services.

This can be a simple email with a link to a quick survey, a personal check-in call, or even a direct message. Example questions:

This shows you care about their experience, are committed to continuous improvement, and value their ongoing business. It builds trust and loyalty, which are crucial for long-term success.

4. Regular Check-Ins with Your Audience

Your customers' needs, desires, and the market itself are always changing. What was true last year might not be true today. Relying on outdated assumptions means falling behind. Proactive engagement keeps you relevant.

Conduct occasional surveys and interviews to stay in touch with what your customers want.

This doesn't have to be a huge production.

At least once a year, check in to see if the products you have been offering are still relevant or if there are changes you should make. This strategic review ensures your offerings align with current market demands and customer desires. This proactive approach helps you adapt and evolve with your audience, ensuring your offerings always meet their current needs and keep your business thriving.

The path to a less-stressed, more abundant lifestyle business isn't just about tweaking your systems; it's about fundamentally shifting how you interact with the world around you. By letting go of assumptions and actively seeking genuine understanding, you gain incredible clarity.

This clarity reduces friction, eliminates wasted effort, and allows you to focus your precious time and energy on the tasks that truly make a difference to your business and where you add the greatest value. When you truly know what your customers want, what your team needs, and what's really going on, you can make informed decisions that propel your business forward, allowing you to build the flexible, financially free life you envision.

​Stop assuming and start asking.

Learning to ask the right questions isn't always easy, but it's a skill that will transform your business and reduce your overwhelm. If you're ready to gain crystal-clear insights, make smarter decisions, and truly connect with your audience, I can help.

​In my coaching program, we'll work together to:

Stop leaving your success to assumptions. Let's unlock the power of asking so you can build a more joyful, productive, and profitable lifestyle business.